November 30, 2012 - Roller Coaster

Roller coaster

You know how roller coasters have ups and downs and spins and turns and twists ... Well, today has definitely been a roller coaster ride. This entire journey has been one, but today has been its own special kind of crazy.

The nurses and doctors agree it's always busy here between Thanksgiving and Christmas, plus with it being a full moon ... Well, you can imagine!

Christy arrived at the hospital early this morning. We were all super worried about dad last night and we hardly slept. Christy's gut instinct was that she needed to check on him, so she got here early. It's a good thing she did.

Dad was worse. He was exhausted. He was retaining fluids. His breathing was shallow and labored. His doctor looked at his charts and looked him over and listened to his lungs. He ordered more X-rays. He immediately decided dad needed to be moved back to ICU and put on a ventilator again.

After much organizing and gathering and testing, they were ready to move dad. Bill, Christy and I took a different elevator and met dad and the team transporting him as they arrived. The three of us sat in the waiting room while they got dad settled, then went in to be with him.

Dad's room was sparse, but adequately sized. A nurse brought us three chairs, so the "Peanut Gallery" could once again sit at dad's feet. We decided to wait to tell mom that dad had been moved because she was going to have her hair done and we all agreed she deserved to have a at least a little pleasure in her day. Besides, it wasn't a critical situation like it was Monday afternoon.

Some friends of mom and dad's showed up to see him, but were surprised when he wasn't in his room on the 5th floor. They went down tot he waiting room at ICU and Christy went out to talk to them and fill them in on what all had gone on. The last time they had been there to visit was when the rapid response was called on Monday. They are of the mindset that perhaps they shouldn't visit because every time they do, some emergency happens! Bless their hearts!!

Throughout the day dad's wonderful nurse came in to check on him, administer medications, suction his lungs, and do whatever needed to be done. The ladies from Respiratory Therapy came by frequently, as well. I had never ever seen ICU as busy as it was today. Every nurse seemed to be on the move all day long. I've also never seen as many doctors in there at one time!

We met the lung doctor who had just replaced dad's trach so they could add the ventilator equipment to it. He had recently been equipped with a different type, but nobody expected he'd have to go back on the vent. Regardless, it was a necessity, and he's breathing VIA the machine and resting his exhausted body, so now we are hoping he'll be on the rapid road to recovery.

His condition and frame of mind is quite different from what it was as recent as last Sunday. I wish like everything he had not aspirated on Monday. If that hadn't happened, he'd be light years ahead of where he is now. However, had Christy and I not been there to get help for him, he'd likely not have even made it through the day. I'd give my eye teeth to do that day over knowing what we know now.

We can't undo the past. We can learn from it, though. Yes ... Today has been a roller coaster ride. Not the most fun one, I assure you. Stress levels have been elevated. Moods have been low. Emotions have run wild. Imaginations have run amok. Hopes and dreams have shattered, only to be picked up and pieced back together with tape. Our family is exhausted. We are scared. We are hopeful. We have faith.

Faith in God above to do what's needed and to help understand the path we are all being led down. Faith in the doctors and nurses to have the wisdom, the speed, and the focus to make the best decisions. Faith in each other to be there for support, no matter what.

November 29, 2012 - Breathe

Breathe

The human body requires oxygen to survive. Too much oxygen can be as bad as not enough, so there's a balance that sustains life. Air is 20.9% oxygen, 79% nitrogen, and 1.1% other gasses. When we breathe, we only use part of the oxygen in the air? Oxygen is used in the healing process, so some parts of hospitals actually have as much as 40% oxygen flowing through them, and maybe even more.

I woke up early this morning, even though I needed sleep. I tried to go back to sleep, but never did. That's okay because someone called from the radiation department at 8:00 to let me know they'd be taking dad down for his treatment at 8:30. I quickly dressed and drove over to the hospital to be with dad for his treatment, as promised. When I arrived, he was still quite asleep. The nurses were about to check stats and clean him up, but I told them about my call from radiation, so they prepped him for that instead. All went well. No drama, no events. Just a quick trip down, radiation, and a quick trip back up to his room.

There were several nursing students from Lincoln Memorial University there today. One girl named Sarah was doing a lot of hands-on and the other two were basically watching. Christy and I shared a lot about our family's journey with Sarah. She seemed very eager to learn more. She will be a great nurse.

Dad was not very alert today. Even less so than yesterday. Christy and I were very concerned about him. After talking to several doctors and nurses we felt more comfortable with the situation, although we don't like it. We want him well, dang it!!

Dad has aspiration pneumonia. That's from Monday's awful experience. He is quite ill. He won't be having any more of his chemo treatments until he is better. We don't yet know about radiation. I suppose I will know if I get a phone call in the morning!

Most of the day I sat in a chair at the foot of daddy's bed. I like that chair because he can easily see me when he wakes up and looks around. I like that bed because I can easily see his chest rise and fall, so I can also see how easy or how labored his breathing is. Seeing his chest rise and fall gives me great comfort.

Tomorrow is yet another day. We were thinking he might be moved to Asbury fairly soon, but a doctor told mom they wouldn't move him until he has had two or three good days in a row. That was a relief, but also a concern. We want him to have the best possible care available, but we want him to start therapy as soon as possible, since every day in bed equates to three days of therapy needed.

So now we wait. Again. We watch him breathe. We listen to him breathe. We pray that his lungs clear quickly and that he feels much better soon. We pray for wise decisions from the doctors. We pray for strength. We pray for patience. We pray for time. We pray for healing. We pray for dad to be cancer-free as soon as possible.

November 28, 2012 - Time

Time

None of us knows how long we have on this planet. I'm not sure most people would want to know in advance the exact day and hour their "time" is up. What would you do if you did knew? What would you do differently? What would you consider to be the small things and the important things? I'm guessing our perceptions and priorities would change drastically. Would you worry about cleaning your house weekly? Watching calories and avoiding decadent foods? Would you continue to work everyday? Would you spend more time with loved ones? Go somewhere you've always wanted to go? Tell your loved ones that you love them?? How would you show them?? If 12-21-12 actually is the end of the world ... Will anything actually matter??

I chose time as my topic tonight because, as I mentioned, we don't know how much time we have on this planet. The one thing we can all be 100% certain of is that we will expire someday ... Later than sooner, we hope, but the outcome is inevitable. (Even for those who have been cryogenically preserved!)

My dad is over 88 years old, and is still hanging in there. He's going through a rough time right now with cancer, radiation, chemo, and having to be horizontal all the time, but he is a strong man and we are all extremely hopeful that he will recover and be well again. Some people might think he's lived a long life ... And he has, but the potential for him to live even longer is great. We have faith in the "Doctor" Above and those He has chosen to excel in the field of medicine here on earth to do their very best for my dad.

As of this morning, dad has gone through 7 of 35 radiation treatments, so he's 1/5th of the way there. He's had 2 of 6 targeted therapy treatments, so he's 1/3 of the way done with those. He's still feeling pretty good, but we can tell it's starting to effect him, even by looking into his eyes. We are doing all we can to help him remain as positive as possible.

Sometimes I'm not sure it that's enough. Even though no doctor has told him, "You have 'X' amount of time to live ..." I cannot help but wonder if that goes through his mind. Me? I've not even considered that! I admit I did in the beginning ... Especially after they first put him on the ventilator, and then again when he was going in for surgery, but overall, no. I haven't given that one moment of thought! And, I'm not going to start now!

You see, back in 2004 my dad had a heart attack followed by four bypasses. He was lucky. He survived without any complications or restrictions. In ways, I have seen every day since then as a bonus. Since he had the surgery a couple of weeks ago to put the trach and feeding tube in place, I have once again seen every day as a bonus he wouldn't have had they not found this horrible cancer that was invading his body and presented a reasonable form of treatment to rid him of it. I have faith, hope, love, and strength. We all do.

Tuesday morning I was blessed to have some time alone with my dad. I stood by his bed and held his hand. With tears in my eyes I told him things we sometimes don't always say to our loved ones. I told him how I felt about him. How we all feel about him. He held my hand for the longest time and told me he loves me, too. I also told him I was scheduled to fly back to California this morning. I told him I would gladly change my flights if he wanted me to stay. He said yes.

When it came down to it, I knew in my heart that staying one more week was the right thing to do. I asked my family to help me decide, but most of them told me to go because they were afraid I'd think they were being selfish if they asked me to stay ... Silly people ...

So, here I am. Still in Tennessee. I spent many hours with dad today. I took mom out for dinner tonight so we wouldn't have to cook. I miss my husband desperately. I miss my kitties something fierce. I know my husband understands why I am here ... He explained the need way better to my family than I ever could. He is doing his best with my kitties and we may even try to facetime (maybe tomorrow??) so perhaps Buddy can see me, rather than just hear me inside that little black box.

Next Wednesday will be an emotional day. Even more so than every other day in the month of November, 2012 has been. I will be leaving Tennessee, my friends, my family, and my precious parents here and returning to California to prepare for a trip out of the country. I hope and pray that dad gets transferred and settled out at the respiratory center at Asbury Place so he can continue his treatments and begin rehabilitation. He has a long road ahead of him. We all do because we will all travel that road together, despite the many miles between us.

Time is a precious and limited commodity. I'm doing my best to use it wisely.

November 27, 2012 - Do I Go or Do I Stay?

Do I go or Do I Stay?

Today was a long day, but not nearly as long as yesterday ... Well, depending on what time you start your day! Christy and I stayed with dad last night and we didn't sleep at all. Well, I did snooker off for about ten minutes, but I woke myself up and never did even try after that. After almost loosing dad yesterday morning (more than once!!) we just had to keep an eye on him.

Sometime after 8:00 this morning Christy went home so her son could use her car. I stayed till Conrad came to get me. He arrived and stayed for a few minutes, then we stopped by Starbuck's, got our favorite breakfast, and came back to the house. I pretty much went straight to bed and slept for three or so hours, then took a shower and was ready to get back up to see dad.

We played fruit basket turnover because mom went up there as we left, and when she was ready to leave, we were going back in. She said dad asked for me the entire time. Bill was also up there when we got there and Christy came back shortly after us. Eventually, all of us were there at the same time and I needed their help.

I had a decision to make ... Do I go on home to California or do I stay another week? I decided I would ask my family to help me decide ... Including dad. I even posted on Facebook to get the much appreciated opinions of my wonderful friends. (Thank you all for replying!!) I decided I would weight some of the responses ... Dad's answer would represent 20% of the vote, Conrad's would also represent 20% while mom, Bill, Christy and I would each get 15%.

The nurses came in the clean dad up and check his vitals, etc., so we decided to use that time to look at options and place our votes. I asked one of the nurses if she'd do me a favor ... Please talk to dad to see how he felt about me leaving or possibly staying. She agreed to do it. The rest of us were in a waiting room, so I handed out slips of paper that said, " Carol ... Stay ... Or ... Go"

I explained that if I went home tomorrow I didn't know when I would be back, however, if something happened to dad I'd do my best to get back. I told them I would check about changing my flights so I would be able to stay another week or so. So, we voted.
Mom = Go.
Bill = Go.
Christy = Go.
Carol = Stay.
Conrad = Stay.
If you do the math, either way, without dad's vote, the "go" votes won. We all knew dad would ask me to stay. With his vote, that pushed extending my stay over the top. Conrad explained that by adding one more week that would give us seven more days to see how dad will be doing. The way he explained it was awesome. I knew in my heart that staying was the right thing to do. The selfish part of me wanted to go home because I miss my home, my cats, my friends, our walks, our bed, our life. The other part of me knows my dad would miss me terribly and that he listens to me, trusts me, and will likely do better if I am here. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but we just have that kind of relationship. We always have.

As it turned out, the nurse talked to daddy and said, "your daughter is going home tomorrow, isn't she?"
Dad said, "yes."
She said, "I bet you'd like for her to say, wouldn't you?"
He said, "yes."
She said, "do you want her to stay for your wife? Or for you?"
He said, "I want her to stay for me."

So, I went back to the house, got my paperwork out and called United. I had already pulled up the available flights online and found the ones I wanted. Knoxville to Denver to Sacramento. Inexpensive, too. I told the girl it was a medical emergency and told her about my dad. She took care of everything ... Updated my flights, selected my seats, and issued a credit voucher for almost $400.00! Can't beat that!

Conrad and I went back up to the hospital to see dad. I told dad about my flight changes. He smiled and thanked me. I think he knew Christy and I are helping out with the guardian angel duty ... 

November 26, 2012 - The Battle

The Battle

Sorry, but this post might be a wee bit graphic ...
Christy and I are spending the night with dad. Conrad took mom back to mom and dad's house so she can get some rest. He came back up here to bring toothbrushes and a few other necessities, then went back to stay with mom.

Dad has aspiration pneumonia due to the bout of vomiting after his radiation treatment this morning. That's not his main problem though. He has a fever ... It's down to 100.7 (it was 102.5). They've done CT scans, X-rays, drawn blood, monitored his vitals, ordered panels, etc. ... Now we play the waiting game.

It has been two hours since I started this post. We had to leave the room for a bit while they did some more tests and checked vitals. Christy and I went downstairs to eat some dinner. I know, 11:30 at night isn't exactly the best time to eat dinner, but we do what we can do when we can do it. We are glad we discovered the grilled chicken wraps ... They are very tasty! We usually split one.

While we were in the Atrium I sent Conrad a text asking him to call me. I figured it might scare mom if I called, so the text seemed to be the best solution. He called and asked me how things were going. I told him in detail, then he repeated what I said so mom would know. She's worried about dads labored breathing.

Dad is sleeping now. Not sure how soundly or comfortably, but he is sleeping. For a while he was pretty alert, but not now. He needs serious rest, so we are being quiet. The nurses come in so often to check vitals, administer meds, etc. it's no wonder patients have a hard time sleeping!

Christy just went downstairs, so I am alone with dad. It's giving me time to really soak in a lot about him. He's so strong. He's so smart. He's so loving. I look at him laying there so peacefully and I realize where I got so many of my qualities from ... So much of my personality ... My likes and dislikes ... My interests ... My expressions. I love my dad. I don't ever want to let him go, although I know that will happen at some point. I just hope and pray that time is way off in the distant future. I am far from done with him!

Dad is fighting for his life. He may never read all the posts I have written about him and this journey. He never talks about D-Day or the rest of his experiences during WWII. I'm certain he won't talk about this experience either. It definitely is a war. A battle against cancer. The big difference is that he's fighting this battle against a virtually invisible enemy and he's the victim ... The prisoner ... The tortured.

Mom, Bill, Christy, Conrad and I are all here to help dad get through this, but all the nasty treatments, the physical burns, sores, aches, and pains are his to bear. If I could do anything for my dad, I'd go through this ten times for him if it meant he could be well and whole without having to go through this himself.

Tomorrow is another day. A day that will begin fresh and new when the sun rises. One filled with hope and faith. One filled with prayers and healing thoughts. One filled with strength and love.

November 25, 2012 - Whispers

Whispers

There are lots of reasons to whisper ... To share secrets ... To not disturb others ... To allow others to sleep ... And, to be heard. They say if you truly want to be heard, speak softly, forcing other to really listen. For some, though, whispering is the only way to be heard. Take dad, for example ... Ever since Friday, November 9th, (Actually, October 31st when they put the ventilator in) dad hasn't been able to talk due to having a trach. We have told him that after speech therapy he will be able to cap off the trach and he will be able to speak. This is all assuming that radiation and targeted therapy shrink (and annihilate!!!) the tumor on his left vocal cord. 
Christy and I have been working very hard to try to read dad's lips and understand what he's trying to say to us. His writing is shaky, but I've done okay trying to read it. We have all resigned to the fact that communication will be challenging, but something happened overnight. We are not sure what, or how, or when, but somehow dad figured out how to whisper and be heard! 
Mom and I went back up to see him last night after everyone left. We didn't stay long, but we didn't want to break our promise by not going. He was awake and happy to see us. He wanted us to go on home because it was late, so we left after about ten minutes. 
This morning we went back up to see him. We noticed that there were actually audible sounds coming from dad ... He was whispering and was extremely clear in what he was saying!! 
He asked us a couple of questions several times ... Have we seen any doctors today? ... When is he going to Asbury?
He's also not trying to spit out long sentences, rather saying short phrases and one word comments ... Any news? Where's Bill? How's weather? Spill (when he drops ice chips in the bed) Hot. Cold. Ice. And a few more. Christy told him what the lottery is up to now and he actually whistled!
Dad is ready to be somewhere else and is probably ready to be doing something else ... Anything other than laying in a hospital bed, I'm sure! He has a few medical issues that need to be addressed, but we are hopeful they will be handled quickly and that everything can start moving forward at a quicker pace. No matter what, he has been in the hospital for over a month now, so lots of therapy will be in order. They say for every day a person is in bed, three days of therapy are needed. At that rate, he already needs three months of therapy, and his stay in bed isn't over yet.
Dad has now had 5 (of 35) radiation treatments and 2 (of 6) rounds of targeted therapy. I see the beginnings of redness on his neck and a couple of places on his skin that indicate the chemo is working. The redness is from the radiation and is expected to become quite red like a severe sunburn with peeling. His throat is expected to get sore, too. The spots on his skin are actually a good sign ... that means the chemo is working, according to his oncologist!
Tomorrow and Tuesday will be super busy days. We have lots to do before Conrad and I go back home early Wednesday morning. In ways it feels like I've been here forever, but in ways it feels like my work here is nowhere near done. Are we ever really done? Nope!
We're making giant strides along with baby steps, but so far it seems it has all been forward progress. We cannot wait to hear dad's voice again, but for now ... We're glad to hear him whisper.

November 24, 2012 - Simple Things

Simple Things

It's already Saturday night, November 24, 2012. That means I've been away from my home, California friends, and kitties for 25 days. I'm not sure where the time has gone, even though some days feel like they've gone on for an eternity. I went to Knoxville for the first time yesterday morning. Conrad treated Christy and me to a massage, then she and I stopped in Old Navy before heading back to Maryville to go spend the day with dad. I've seen very few of my friends while I've been in town. I've eaten at only a couple of my favorite restaurants. I've shopped in very few of my favorite stores. And, I haven't even gotten to see the Smoky Mountains with the exception of the view as we walk out of the hospital late each afternoon. I didn't make it to a single Maryville High School football game or even an Ice Bears hockey game. This hasn't been a 'pleasure' trip, but a necessary trip. Mom still has a list a mile long of things we need to do while Conrad and I are here. We may have to split up and kick it into high gear to get everything done. Tomorrow is Sunday. It's supposed to be a day of rest, but that won't happen for us. 
Dad had his fourth radiation treatment this morning before 7:00. We didn't make it up to see him until about 11:30 today. Conrad and I took mom's car to have it detailed; we stopped at Starbuck's to grab a treat to have while we sat and waited on the car. That was a welcome treat ... First time I've been in a Starbuck's since November 3rd. (I was going through Chai Tea withdrawals!!!) We also stopped at Home Depot and had a couple of keys made.
Dad was quiet when we got to his room, but asked me to give him a shave. I did. Afterwards, I gave him a warm, wet washcloth and it was quite obvious he enjoyed the sensation on his face. I'm sure that was a welcome change from the foaming soap the nurses use on him. It's the simple things we take for granted. Like the other day when Christy and I gave dad a manicure. Afterwards, he proudly showed his nails to everyone who came to see him. Having well groomed nails made him smile. Having a clean shaven face made him smile. Being surrounded by his family makes him smile. Blowing us kisses and throwing ice at us makes him smile. 
For several days before dad's radiation treatments began he was somewhat fixated on when they'd start. He's well into that routine now, so he's on to another phase ... When is he being moved to Asbury. What's Asbury like. What will he do at Asbury. I told him everything I knew about the place. We do know he's been accepted out there, but we don't know when his doctor will release him to go out there. I told him what the rooms are like and what the rehab area is like. I even told him I have a very dear friend who works out there and that she will take extra special care of him while he's out there. I told him how beautiful the view is from the rehab area and that they have a very high success rate in helping people regain their mobility. I told him with hard work and determination, perhaps he can be back at Shannondale within a few months. Again, it's the little things that help him begin to accept the unknown. 
Dad doesn't want us to hide anything from him. That's fine, because we all want to be completely honest and open with him. As we learn things we share them with him. He soaks it all in and begins to accept and deal with the situations as they arise. He's a very smart man. An engineer. He was diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's several years ago, but I honestly do not see it. I see a man who still processes everything he hears, sees, and reads. I see a man who enjoys working crossword puzzles and watching old Westerns of TV. I see a man who was proud and firm in his beliefs and dealt with red tape in order to vote in the election this year. I see a man who still loves his family and worries about each and every one of us all the time. I see a man whose interests have narrowed some, but whose haven't at 88 years of age? 
I have three more days I can spend with dad before Conrad and I fly back to California. I am planning on making the best of every moment available. I will be there with dad most of the day tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. I will help mom with chores and run errands when I'm not there. I will take breaks for the occasional meal, and spend some time with a few friends, but I will not be able to add any more visits during this trip. If I haven't seen you while I've been in town, I hope you understand why. We've been blessed with visits from some amazing people, and I truly appreciate all you all have done for us. Meals. Brownies. A beautiful Journal. Cards. Prayers. Visits. Hugs. Smiles. Tears. Concern. Love. It's the little things that matter. They all mean so much to all of us. A thousand Thank Yous to you all!

November 23, 2012 - Peanut Gallery

The Peanut Gallery

Apparently, the Friday after Thanksgiving is not very busy in a hospital. We went up to spend time with dad this afternoon and we had no problem finding good places to park. We didn't see any of dad's doctors. We hardly saw any nurses. All was quiet ... Turkey coma, perhaps?
Dad had his third round of radiation VERY early this morning. I think he's getting used to the routine and is more comfortable with the procedure. Since the machine was down last week they are working all weekend to get caught up. This means that by next Friday dad should have ten treatments behind him! I hope he stays positive and willing to go through this. We will all continue to encourage him and be positive.
Dad's room is quite small. It's a lot larger than the 'closet' he was in before, but still, it's quite cramped when all of us go up to visit. We're not good at staggering our visits ... We all tend to end up there at the same time. Family overload, I suppose.
The nurses have been kind enough to round up chairs for all of us. We all sit there in a line at the foot of dad's bed ... Looking like ducks in a row ... Christy, Bill, mom, me and Conrad ... The Peanut Gallery.
Dad loves his ice chips. It's the only thing they will let him eat. He smiles and savors them, eating them with a spoon. Occasionally, he'll drop one. When he does, he picks it up and throws it at us ... Usually at Christy, but I was the target today. I asked daddy if he'd like a water gun to shoot at us. He smiled and shook his head YES!!
Dad's doctor put in an order for a different bed for dad. It's got an adjustable mattress so he'll be more comfortable, no matter what position he's in. The bed arrived, so we all decided to leave. It dawned on them pretty quickly that the new bed wouldn't easily fit in the room, so they moved dad to a HUGE corner room ... A room with a view!!
One of his awesome nurses took all of his cards down off the cork board and even put them up in his new room. She even told us they moved all the chairs over for the entire Peanut Gallery!

I'm sure my dad feels like the days are running together. He's in bed laying flat on his back. He looks forward to our visits ... So much so that if we don't get over there early enough he has the nurses call the house to check on us. Our days are running together, as well. We get up each morning, go through our morning routines, go to the hospital to be with him, come home afterwards, grab a bite for dinner and go to bed.
We are learning how to manage stress. We are learning what things in life qualifies as "The Small Stuff" and what matters. Family matters. Spending time as a family with dad matters. Dad matters. I cannot imagine what our lives would be like without him and I hope we don't find out for a very long time.

I'm praying for dad's continued strength and determination. I'm praying for continued wisdom and focus where the doctors and nurses are concerned. I'm praying for God's guidance and love to help us get through this journey. I'm praying for our little Peanut Gallery to stay strong; full of hope, faith, love, and courage.

November 22, 2012 - Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Even though today is Thanksgiving, people were still receiving radiation at Blount Memorial Hospital. That's highly unusual, but the machine was down most of last week, so they are working through the weekend to get caught up. 
Dad had his first treatment of radiation yesterday afternoon, then his second round of targeted therapy last night, then another round of radiation this morning ... As in ... Before 7:00 this morning!
We went out for lunch today. As we got back to the house, I opened the door and the phone was ringing. I rushed in to answer it. The caller ID showed Blount Memorial. It was dad's nurse calling for dad. He wanted to know where we were ... We were late! I told her we'd be coming over in just a few minutes.
Dad seemed to feel okay, but he said he was depressed. I think he was glad to have another treatment behind him, but he still has 33 to go. 33 to go ... Seven weeks ... 5 days per week. Seven weeks ago was the first week of October ... Seven weeks from from now is January 10th. I have to admit its difficult to fathom having a treatment that often for that long! Depressed? I can see why!
We don't know what the next few days will bring, but daddy has been accepted at Asbury, so he will be going out there for a while for rehabilitation. They say for each day a patient stays in bed, three days of therapy are required for recovery. If that's the case, dad is pushing on three months of therapy. I'm thinking he might be ready to join us for a 5K in the spring ...
I am keeping my hopes up, my thoughts positive, my faith strong, and my prayers frequent.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving day! We all have so much to be thankful for!

November 21, 2012 - Thankfulness

Thankfulness

In hospitals many things are "hurry up and wait" ... Being admitted, having tests run, getting test results, learning about treatment options, surgeries, recovery, therapy, just to name a few.
Today was no exception. Something happened today that dad has been waiting on for over a week. Radiation. Christy got to the hospital first this morning, then mom and I arrived, and then Bill. Dad was quiet. Long face. Fixated on watching the clock. He asked us what time his treatment would be, and then he asked us several times if the time for the treatment had changed. At 1:15 he held up his hand showing all of his fingers three times ... meaning 15 minutes. He was disappointed when he realized it was only 1:15.
The hour passed quickly ... At least for us, but who knows how dad saw it. The nurses told us we could go downstairs and grab some lunch, so we went to the Atrium once again. At 2:45 we wondered if they had taken dad down to radiation yet, so we headed upstairs to his room to find out.
As we got off the elevator a man rounded the corner with dad on a stretcher heading for his treatment. Dad looked scared half out of his mind. He seemed a bit relieved when he saw us, so we all rode down in the elevator with him. We held his hand and told him everything would be fine and the treatment would be painless and fast.
Someone led us to the waiting room and said they'd come back for us when dad was done. We sat down in comfy chairs and talked. About 15 minutes later we got word that dad was finished and they'd be taking him back upstairs shortly. We followed them back to where dad was. He was all bundled up under warm blankets. His hands were ice cold! He looked exhausted, and when asked, he admitted that he was.
Bill and Christy headed on home and mom and I went back upstairs with dad. We didn't stay long because they were busy moving him back into his bed, cleaning him up, and possibly prepping him for the second dose of targeted therapy. Someone who shall remain nameless was there to see daddy and brought a copy of a photo that he had been promising to share with us. LONG story, but the photo was of General George S. Patton urinating off the pontoon bridge in March 1945. Dad smiled and said, "That's alright!" I found it online ... See the link below.
I titled this post "Thankfulness" because our entire family has so much to be thankful for:
*Dad's diagnosis before it was too late.
*Great doctors, nurses and case workers who have genuinely taken an interest in dad and his well-being.
*Modern medicine/technology to make treatment options possible.
*A rehabilitation facility in town who has accepted daddy as a patient during the next part of this journey.
*Our family for it's strength, love, direction and devotion.
*My sweet husband for allowing me to be away for an entire month.
*Our wonderful friends for all their kindness, support, concern, and love. We love you bunches!

November 20, 2012 - Stress

Stress

When a family member is infirm, stress levels rise. When family members are in close contact with each other during the illness, everyone feels each others stress. 
Imagine a pond on a still morning. Mirror flat. Reflections as clear as the actual objects being reflected. All it takes is one rock being thrown into the still water and that energy radiates out, forming ripples and waves. That is how our stress seems to be shared these days. It's often transferred very subtly, but it's still there. Sometimes it goes unnoticed until several ripples of stress pile up, but then we feel it. Sometimes it's more like a tsunami, and other times it dissipates before it ever reaches the shore.
Some of those waves were surf-able today. Some of us rode the wave and others had a hard time staying on their boards. I'm not naming anyone, but I will say I had to wipe the salt water out of my eyes more than a few times today! I'm still a little shaky, but I will be okay after we all regroup and get past this. 
Dad is getting agitated because he feels like he's spinning his wheels. He knows he has six weeks of radiation ahead of him and he's more than ready to get it over with. (I can't blame him ... I'd be the same way!!) The radiation machine was broken most of last week and they have been working hard to get it repaired and to get caught up. We did get some good news today. His doctor made his schedule and dad will be receiving his first treatment tomorrow afternoon. Since the machine has been down, they will be working on Thanksgiving day and all weekend, so maybe dad can get a few treatments behind him before Conrad and I go back to California next week. Dad will also be receiving his second target therapy tomorrow, too. (That means 2 down and 4 to go!)
My dad has shown an enormous amount of patience throughout this ordeal. He doesn't ask for much, but he realizes the nurses have several patients they have to care for and things can't always be done immediately. He asked to if he could sit in the recliner today, but at 5:00 when we left, that still hadn't happened. They needed to do a procedure on him and they couldn't do it while he was in the chair, so that had to happen first. The RN told us she knew it was going to happen soon, so I'm hoping they let him get in the recliner shortly after that!
Tomorrow should be interesting. I have told dad all along that I will be there with him when he has his radiation treatments. Not in the room, obviously, but with him before and afterwards. I am planning on staying with him most of the afternoon to make sure he feels okay. I think we are all stressed about the unknown, but also about hoping that the treatments will provide positive results.
We all know this is a long, rocky road, but the fewer of those rocks getting kicked into the pond, the better.
Please keep dad in your prayers for a easy, quick, and effective radiation treatments and targeted therapy. You give us more strength that you can possibly imagine!

November 19, 2012 - Moods

Moods

Moods can change quickly. Sometimes all it takes is a smile, a frown, a tear, a laugh, a phone call, a familiar face, a beautiful site, a scent, a song, or even a word.
Christy and I, along with mom's best friend, talked mom into going shopping and to lunch with some of the ladies of Shannondale. Maxine signed them up a few weeks ago, and mom has made noises about not going for over a week. She needed a break, and this was the perfect solution. 
A dear friend of mine has been trying to help us get dad's medals, so I was going to go up to the court house today to turn in the signed forms and copies of all the required documents. I followed my gut instinct by making a phone call before I went and I'm so glad I did ... The office is closed until the 27th! I suppose I will try again then.
I got up to the hospital and Christy had already been up there for an hour. Dad really looks good. He's having some pretty broad mood swings. Nurses are in his room often, which means he can't really rest or sleep at night. His mood took a turn for the worse when he found out he wasn't going to start his radiation treatments today. (Long story!)
Dad has been asking for his nail clippers, so I brought them with me today. Christy and I gave him a manicure and that made him smile. Seeing him smile made us smile!
I was wearing a new top that I bought recently. It has a boat neck and I'm not used to that design. I kept pulling and tugging on the shirt because the neckline was a bit uncomfortable. I mentioned it and started tugging on it and realized there was a tag ... That meant my shirt was on backwards! All three of us cracked up at that!
The respiratory therapist came in to check on dad and give him a breathing treatment. I asked him if there was any way dad might be able to talk and he showed us how it's done. He covered the hole with a tissue and a finger and told dad to say 'hello' ... He did. ... That was the sweetest sound we had heard in quite a while! 
Christy and I went downstairs to the Atrium while the nurses were lining up to do tests and check on daddy. While we were eating lunch we realized just how diverse our community is. I won't go into detail describing what all we saw, but I will say we were entertained. 
An occupational therapist came in to work with dad today. A physical therapist came in later. Then a clinical social worker. One of the ministers from their church stopped by. A neighbor stopped by after a treatment. Yes, it was a busy day in Mercer's room today!
Poor Bill ... He was shrouded by Murphy's cloud today. If something could go wrong, it did. We are all hoping tomorrow is a better day!
Conrad had a busy day from afar. Work, visiting with his son, getting his hair cut, dealing with our cats, grocery shopping, running. He's getting excited about heading over here in a few days, but is staying busy in the mean time.
 Mom got back from her excursion. She had fun and was tired, but she wanted to see dad. I went back to the house to get her. We stayed for a while, but left when dad looked like he needed to rest. He doesn't want us out after dark.
The Cotton family had a long, busy day. One of many. 25 days, so far on this journey, and many, many more to come. We have managed to coordinate our moods, for the most part. We have managed to all get along, for the most part. We have managed to hold everything together, and that's definitely been possible with the help of our friends and family. 
Y'all rock.

November 18, 2012 - Communication

Communication

I don't think I need to tell anyone how important communication is, but I will say that communicating with each other sure makes things easier!!
Mom and I went up to see dad this morning. Bill and Christy were already up there. So, we spent some time trying to catch up on what all has been going on ... I still have a cold, so I'm still wearing a mask ... Mom is still a little sniffly so she's wearing one, too ... Christy is fine ... Bill is still coughing, but assured us dad won't catch it and refused to wear a mask. During the conversation we learn that their son is now sick, too. Happy, happy, joy, joy! Apparently we are all doing our best to share the love! I just hope and pray dad doesn't get it, too!
Dad was quiet today. He wanted ice chips. He slept a lot. He wanted his face shaved. Mom stayed for a while, but then drove herself home around 1:30 as her housekeeper was due to be there at 2:00. Bill and Christy would bring me home later.
After spending several hours with dad, plus giving him a break to nap while we went down to the Atrium and shared a chicken wrap, Christy and I agreed something must be wrong, but we didn't know exactly what the problem was.
When we got back upstairs dad was still quiet and had quite the long face going on. Enough so that it bothered both of us. I went out to talk with dad's nurse and while I was doing that, Christy asked dad what was wrong. I had a good conversation with the nurse and alerted her to his mood. When I walked back into the room Christy was sitting on the foot of dad's bed and was looking at him in a very concerned manner. Bill was standing beside her looking at dad. She told me that dad said he is depressed!
Honestly, I had expected that might happen. After all, who can simply lay in a hospital bed for days on end without feeling at least a little blue?!? Well, the truth came out ... He's worried that we're keeping something from him. That couldn't be farther from the truth, but he still had his doubts.
We reaffirmed that he has a tumor in his throat, that he is going to go through radiation treatments and targeted therapy. He told us, that he would have 30 treatments - Five days a week for six weeks, which is correct. I reminded him that the side effects of the radiation would be a burn on his neck similar to a bad sunburn and it will peel, and his throat will be sore, but it will all go away. He said he knew that and was okay with that. He was worried because we are all there so much and is worried about us. Christy told him there's no need in worrying about us ... We WANT to be there with him! I told him that Conrad will be here soon and that my flight doesn't leave for almost two more weeks, so he's stuck with me! And, then ... There was that smile we were missing!!! Twinkling eyes and all!
I told him we are all in this together and we will be with him every step of the way. We double checked and he is scheduled to start radiation tomorrow and I asked the nurses to call me when they get the call so I can hurry on up there. She told me it might be as early as 7:00 in the morning. I may not be there with him when they take him down, but I want to be waiting for him when he comes out!
I love my daddy and if I could go through this in his place, I would. It hurts me to think of the suffering he has been through and how much these treatments might take out of him. My hopes and prayers are that he will make it through this with grace and strength and dignity and will be stronger and healthier than he's been in years.
Communication is key. Our family decided that at the beginning of this journey. We made the course of action decision as a family, and we will stay together giving dad strength, encouragement, and motivation throughout this ordeal. We have been open and honest with dad about everything that's going on and we will continue to do so, but perhaps more a bit more often since we now know he has had doubts.
Again, communication is key. Mom and I have been having our own issues lately ... Stress will do that ... So, tonight we had a heart to heart conversation ... It seems like we have things worked out, but that's another story ...
Thanks, everyone, for sticking with us and supporting us with good thoughts and prayers. This is an interesting journey with beauty and grace with a few potholes mixed in to keep things interesting. Much love and gratitude coming your way!

November 17, 2012 - Family

Family

Mom and I went to see dad this morning. When we got there his door was closed. One of the nurses said that might be because dad had lots of company. The day he move to this room there were six chairs in there ... More than we needed so the nurse took a couple out. Today we needed them all! Bill and Christy were there, along with some of my parents good friends, Ron and Loretta. The room was quite warm, so we turned the thermostat down and cracked the door.
We all had a pleasant conversation, including dad. He's making up his own sign language and it's working quite well. Christy is great at reading lips, and I am doing alright, so were doing okay communicating.
Dad looked very good today. He was awake, alert, smiling, interacting with us, and ... You guessed it ... Asking for ice chips! I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be for him to not be able to eat or drink. The reason is that anything that goes into him mouth might end up in his lungs rather than in his stomach. If that happens, he might het pneumonia, and that would be bad! Supposedly the speech therapist can teach him how to swallow with the trach, but he hasn't had a session with them yet.
Speaking of not having sessions ... He still hasn't had a radiation treatment yet. We are all hoping the machine is repaired by Monday so he can continue down the path if recovery. 30 treatments is a lot, and I has so hoping he'd have between 5 - 8 behind him before we head back to California.
Dad is sensitive to sounds, so it's not uncommon for the nurses to keep his door closed. He is directly across from the nurses station, so they are only a few steps away if he needs anything. He has come so far and is continuing to improve daily. We are all so proud of him!

November 16, 2012 - Coordinating

Coordinating

Today was an interesting day. Mom and I had a lot to do, so the plan was that I would go see dad while she went to have her hair done. There was an immediate problem with that plan ... The battery in the Audi was dead! So, I put it on charge and mom dropped me off at the hospital on the way to her appointment. 
I went up to the fourth floor, asked the nurses how dad was doing, and they told me he was being moved to the fifth floor ... Right then! I walked over to his room so he'd know I was there and I noticed he had a cup of ice chips, a spoon, and a huge smile on his face!
There were three nurses taking dad up to the fifth floor. It was an interesting journey, partially because they had to hunt for an elevator that would accommodate a hospital bed. Getting that bed, the rolling stand with all the tubes and bags and machines into and out of an elevator was quite a chore! All the while dad was enjoying his ice chips. :)
No radiation again today ... I hope how soon they get that darned machine repaired! His chemo doctor came in to check on him and said he'd be having another targeted therapy treatment next week. At least there's hopes of forward progress.
We still don't know where dad will be going for rehab, or when he will be going, but I'm guessing that will all fall into place soon. We are all hopeful that the right solution will present itself before we freak out.
I definitely have a cold. I'm taking DayQuil, or the Walgreen's equivalent, but it isn't working as well as I'd like. Christy seems to be much better, as does Bill. I think mom dodged the bullet, and I hope and pray this won't be shared with dad!
It's late. I'm sleepy. My nose and sinuses are stopped up. I'm hoping the cold meds kick in soon so I can get some sleep. I had a great time tonight celebrating a friend's birthday with a bunch of friends. Mom got some rest while I was out. Tomorrow? More of the same.
Much love to you all!

November 15, 2012 - Ties

Ties

I went into my dad's closet to get some toilet paper. It's a huge closet, so they store overstocks of paper goods in there. While I was in there I stopped to look around. Not in a nosy way, but more like reminiscing. 
I saw suits. Sport coats, T shirts from ALCOA from when he worked there. T shirts and sweat shirts from his Alma mater, Auburn. Shorts. Shoes. And, of course, ties. Wide ties. Narrow ties. Bright colors. Muted colors. Stripes. Solids. Paisleys. Blues. Greens. Reds. Golds. Browns. Blacks.
There are different kinds of ties and not all are made of fabric and worn around your neck. Ties are bonds that form between people. These ties form between co-workers, classmates, neighbors, close friends, and family. Ties can be broken, but the important ties can be mended, but it takes effort and desire from both people. Family ties are often stretched and stressed when a family member falls ill. The ties of friends and family form a close knit fabric that surrounds the family and holds them together with strength and encouragement. This is happening to our family right now.
Dad was glad to see us today. He didn't see mom yesterday and hadn't seen Bill since Saturday, so he was beaming when he saw both of them today. We all wore our masks since we don't want dad to catch whatever we might have. The staff got used to seeing us in them yesterday, so today was no surprise. We have learned, however, that when you have a cold and need to wear a mask, chew mint flavored gum or pop a cough drop in your mouth ... It helps open up your sinuses!
Dad was poked, monitored, listened to, talked to, and smiled at a lot today. The doctors and nurses all say he's doing great. The nurses fight over daddy. One young nurse came up to me today and said, "I have to tell you, your daddy is one of the sweetest men I have ever met. I just love him!"
I must say ... I agree.

November 14, 2012 - First Chemo

First Chemo

My dad had his first experience with targeted therapy yesterday. So did we, but not in the same way. Mom and I saw another drip bag with a hose leading to my dad's body. Dad experienced the infusion of a powerful drug that can have extreme side effects. Luckily, he didn't experience any. 
This morning brought a whole other look at cancer treatment. He was taken to the part of the hospital where they administer radiation. We wanted to go with him to support him, but they took him early this morning before Christy and I got there. My dad is yet to tell us his impressions of these experiences. That's not that uncommon for him ... He's very private. 
Since Christy and I both have scratchy throats and sniffles, we decided it would be in everyone's best interest if we wore face masks when we are around dad. The last thing either of us would want is for dad to catch what we have! So, we walked into his room with our face masks on ... Dad looked at us with wide eyes, and I imagine his first impression was that we were surgeons! He quickly realized who we were, and we explained why we were wearing them. He asked about mom and Bill and got very concerned when we told him they are both sick. 
Dad had many visitors today ... Nurse after nurse. Doctor after doctor. He was definitely over-stimulated.
Christy and I went downstairs for a while so he could get some rest. We talked. We laughed. We vented. We enjoyed each other. We went back up to check on dad and he was awake and his room was quiet. He smiled when he saw us but showed great concern about our health. We find it interesting that he'd be more concerned about us than about himself! 
Christy, dad and I enjoyed each others company. We joked with the nurses. We learned a lot about his trach when his doctor came in. We learned more about what was accomplished during his first surgery. And we were asked multiple times if we needed anything. Dads team of doctors and nurses are truly amazing. Each person has their own distinct personality and abilities, and they work very well together. They seem to love dad. The nurses fight over him. They want to help him. And they seem genuinely concerned about his well being. 
When you have a loved one in the hospital you are often left wondering if they are being properly cared for. You wonder if they are getting their medicines and treatments when they should. You worry that they might fall out of bed or become disoriented and try to get out of bed on their own. You want to stay with them 24/7 to make sure everything goes well. Family members are extra eyes and ears and extra hands for the medical staff. They are often over worked and tired. They are responsible for caring for multiple patients. They are human. 
I believe medical personnel take a special interest in patients who's families show their love and support by visiting often. Family and friends help nurses find puzzle pieces that doctors may not be able to find due to limited time. There are so many people making entries in charts, and I am sure it's easy to overlook important information. 
If you ever have a loved one in the hospital, please check in on them often. Find out all you can about their medications and procedures and treatments and make sure everything runs smoothly for them. You are helping everyone involved by taking an interest. By doing extensive research you are increasing your knowledge, helping your loved one, and making sure they are receiving proper care.
The amount of knowledge our family has gained about Squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck, the treatments and the recovery stats is absolutely mind blowing! 
Not only is the journey to healing one of love, faith, hope, and trust, but its a journey of gathering information, researching illnesses, searching for the perfect location for recovery, learning about medications, their purpose, and their hazards. The journey is being there to protect your loved one. To learn for them. To speak for them. To care for and to comfort them. To reassure them. To motivate them. To lift their spirits. And to make sure they know they are not alone. Ever.
Our family thanks you all from the bottom of our hearts for helping us through this journey. We feel like our research and support team has grown from six people to hundreds. Every prayer, healing thought, tidbit of information, offering of food, offering of help and reminder for us to take care of ourselves has helped us far beyond imagination. You all are our extended family and we welcome you with open arms.

November 13, 2012 - Targeted Therapy

Targeted Therapy

Targeted therapy is a form of chemotherapy used in tandem with radiation to treat (and hopefully cure!!) Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the larynx. Radiation is five day a week for six weeks and target therapy is once per week and starts several days before radiation. It's often administered in an IV drip. My dad had targeted therapy today. It took over two hours. The oncology nurse came into dad's room with a cart, a tool box, and a box filled with plastic parts.
Mom, Christy and I had visited with dad for a couple of hours then we went out to see Morningview and Fairpark to see what they had to offer. When we got back to the hospital I dropped Christy off at her car so she could go run a bunch of errands. Mom and I went in the hospital and went in search of a bite to eat for lunch. By the time we got back up to his room he was already an hour into his treatment.
The oncology nurse was sitting in the chair next to his bed. She was closely monitoring his vitals, as Erbitux has some rare, but awful side effects. They gave dad Benedryl as a precautionary measure because some people have bad allergic reactions to it. Luckily, dad did not.
I'm not sure if he was just sleepy or if the medication did it to him, but he was quite sleepy by the time the drip was done. Mom and I decided to leave so he could get some rest, but we had been there for a couple of hours during that visit.

The funny thing ... At 7:50 this morning dad asked the nurses to call us to see when we would be up to visit him ... I think he's turning into a morning person!

Christy and I both have sore throats and now mom is complaining, too. Bill has been sick for several days. I'm guessing our entire family could use a few prayers for speedy recoveries!

Much love to you all!

November 12, 2012 - Progress

Progress

Today was another day filled with firsts. Mom and I got to the hospital a little later than usual because we had some errands to run first. One of which was to visit a rehab center that takes patients with new trachs. It's nearby, easy to get to, and takes patients with new trachs, but that's about as much good that I can say about it. Perhaps we got there at a busy time, but the place was a total zoo!!! A lady took us on a tour down the wing where dad would be. The rooms were small and all are double occupancy with the exception of two rooms, but both of those were occupied. I honestly got the feeling that the place was more like an emergency shelter for natural disaster relief than a rehabilitation care facility! By the time we walked down the hall to the physical therapy room I was a complete and total nervous wreck! I can't even imagine how dad would handle it! (I even said so in front of the administrator! A zoo, I tell ya ... A zoo!) Did I mention we vetoed that one??

Around noontime got a phone call letting us know they had moved dad to the progressive care unit, so now he'll be on the 4th floor. We got up there to see him and we discovered his room is TINY! It's not like he'd be doing gymnastics in there, but it was rather funny that we'd all have to play musical chairs when the nurses needed to do anything for dad. It's ... cozy.

Where does "progress" come into todays writing? Everywhere! Being moved into progressive care means he's well enough to not need constant monitoring. Progress in that they don't need to monitor his vital signs 24/7. So, we were please when we went to see him. His doctor stopped by and was really bragging on dad! He told him he was very proud of dad and pleased with his progress.

Radiation will likely begin later this week, so the sooner we get started the sooner we get done, and the sooner dad can have that hamburger and diet coke! Dad also wanted to sit up on the side of the bed. The nurse told him she didn't think he could, but that she'd let him try if he really wanted to. He did. With the help of the nurse and Christy, dad was able to sit up and stay there without assistance for probably 15 minutes before he was ready to lay back down. Not only is that a first, but it's definitely progress!! (And, he wanted to do it without being asked to do it!)

Dad's ability to write is improving with every try. He's also learning how to speak slower and more deliberately so we can understand him. Christy, mom and I are showing progress in our ability to read lips, too!

Every breath dad takes without the aid of a ventilator is progress. Every cough is progress. Every smile is progress. Every kiss. Every word - both written and spoken is progress.

We are hopeful that every new day is filled with more and more of these little progressions. We truly feel that dad still being with us is a miracle! Without the great medical staff and without the support, love and prayers of family and friends, this would have only been a dream. Thank you all got being there for us all! Your continued thoughts and unending prayers mean the world to us!

November 11, 2012 - I Can Hazz Cheezburger

I Can Haz Cheezburger ...

Cheese is optional, but the hamburger ... Now, that's a necessity. At least to my dad's taste-buds. That, and a diet coke. One just doesn't realize how in command your taste-buds are until you cannot eat. Seriously!

Dad didn't sleep very well last night, plus he had fluid building up in his lungs, so the nurses talked to one of dad's doctors and Lasix was prescribed and administered ... Which worked very well. I'm sure dad was sleepy today, but you couldn't tell it by the way he was acting this afternoon when Christy and I visited with him. She got there a couple of hours before I did, so she got a head start on understanding him. I took mom to church and was amazed that after all these many times of taking her there, the minister was clueless as to who we are. If we had never talked to him before it would be one thing, but we talk to him every time we go ... And that's several times a year! (Anyway, that's another story!!)

While Christy and I were there one of dad's dearest friends came by to visit. It was great seeing him and I know dad appreciated the visit, too. We enjoyed watching them cut up with each other!

Dads radiation doctor stopped by to check on him and fill us in on the plan of "attack". Dad needs to be a bit more stabilized, then he will receive a round of targeted therapy, then he will begin radiation. The doctor told dad it would take seven weeks, so I reminded dad that I was in town seven weeks ago and then it didn't sound so bad. The options and details were laid out in front of us and dad agreed to the treatments we had planned on. He thanked the doctor for coming by and then ... Without hesitation ... And, without any question of clarity ... Dad said, "That's a surprise!"

So, Christy and I poured our hearts out telling him about how sick he had been and what all the options were. He agreed with what we all decided on, but still, he wanted a hamburger and a diet coke!!

Later in the afternoon I took mom up to see dad. She was so tired earlier, so I made her stay home and REST. I filled her in on what dad had found out, so she knew what to expect once we got there. We weren't hiding anything from him, but telling him things, as needed. Dad quizzed mom. Mom told him the same things we had already told him. He was okay with that.

Communicating with someone who cannot speak is VERY difficult. I have often heard that reading lips is an art form and you either have it or you don't. Apparently, I don't have it. But, I'm trying! Anyway, dad kept telling us he wanted us to bring him something ... We went through a long list of possibilities, but each one ended in a negative head shake and a smile from daddy.

Suddenly, it dawned on me ... Spell the words we cannot understand! So, we began. I told dad to raise his finger when I got to the letter he wanted. ... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H ... (finger went up) So the first letter is "H". Next letter, "A" Was it his hairbrush? Nope. Okay, so next - A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M (It's "M") ... HAM ... Hamburger???? Dad wants a hamburger! So sorry, dad, but not for a while ... Diet Coke, either. Poor guy!!! Seven weeks without eating OR drinking!!

Mom and I talked him through it and he seemed okay once again. We made him a promise, then wrote it out on paper, signed it, and even had two nurses witness it. Our letter to daddy is as follows:

11-11-12 @ 6:15 PM
Dear Dad/Mercer,
As soon as you have completed all of your treatments and are cleared to eat solid foods, we will prepare whatever foods you desire ... Be it a hamburger and diet coke, or prime rib and baked potato.
We Promise!!
Love,
Carol and Effie

Witnessed by: Amy and Lauren

So yes, if everything goes as planned, in a few weeks my sweet (hungry!!) daddy Can Haz Cheezberger!

Y'all have all been so good in praying for daddy and our family ... I thought a smile provoking post was long overdue! Much love to you all!

Comments:

Amy: 

He deserves his hamburger! He was so hungry for one on this particular day

Carol: So true, Amy! He asked me to save him a piece if pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving. I told him I'd make him one when he can eat solid food again. Bless his heart!!! I can't help but wonder if there's some way he can have flavored ice?

Amy: Yes mam! Get water flavor and make ice chips with it!!! It will give him a little change of taste!

Carol: Like MIO water enhancer??

Amy: Sure just like making Popsicles just make it in the ice cube trays.

Carol: Awesome! I will see if the nurses on 5E would let me bring a try and some flavoring!!!! He would LOVE that!!!

Christy: Do you think they will give flavored ice chips, made just for him?

Amy: They may, if you all bring some in they should!

Carol: Maybe! My biggest concern is that we really don't know how much of the melted ice is being aspirated.

Carol: I have some "sweet tea" flavoring ... If I can find some ice cube trays tonight, I'll make some and ask tomorrow. Can't hurt to ask!

Amy: I understand but maybe a few flavored ones would be what his taste buds would love.

Carol: It's all about moderation!