November 8, 2012 - Dad's Room

Dad's Room
I am sitting at my dad's computer in his bedroom. He isn't here, but the room has him written all over it. The briefcase he carried to work up until he retired in 1987. An old ALCOA "safety orange" umbrella he carried at work when it was raining. Several mementos from Auburn University where he graduated with a mechanical engineering degree back in 1948. Photo albums. Cough drops. His house shoes that I bought him when he was recovering from four bypasses back in 2004. His favorite pair of pajamas. An antique lamp that belonged to his mother. A laundry basket filled with his clean laundry that had been freshly folded moments before mom took him to the doctor the day he entered the hospital. And, of course, his computer.

To anyone just passing by the window of my dad's room ... If they were to look into this room ... They'd probably think it's just another bedroom. They might even think there's some junk in this room. To me, it's a part of my dad's personality. His livelihood. His soul. And, yes, a part of me. And our family. After all, we are all in the photos in the photo albums in his bookcase. We lovingly selected the Auburn mementos as special gifts for dad for Christmas and Birthdays. We remember dad using that brief case and that umbrella and him walking down the hallway wearing those pajamas. I remember dad coughing during the night time when I was here for two weeks in September. I'd worry about him, then I'd hear the sound of the cough drop wrapper and know he would have some relief soon.

So, dad's "junk" are our treasures.

Dad seems to be doing much better. He was waking up nicely when we saw him this afternoon. We suspect by tomorrow he will be a lot cleared headed and will begin to understand what he has gone through and what's ahead. He has a long road ahead if he is to ever fully recover. He will not be sleeping in this bedroom for a long time, if ever again. Mom is 85 and has been taking care of him (mostly single handedly) for many years. 62 years, in fact. She has been keeping house, doing laundry, cooking, decorating, entertaining, raising kids and making our house a home for a very long time. Dad doesn't often tell mom how much he appreciates her efforts, but he doesn't complain much either. Mom never complained about being a homemaker because she has always known it's a very important job. A very difficult, and often thankless job.

Mom is tired and wearing down. Dad is ailing and needs more physical help than mom can give him. He's always been a large, strong man who is super smart, but stubborn as a mule when he wants to be. Dad will be needing specialized professional care for quite some time, so he will be going to a facility where he can be cared for around the clock once his stay at the hospital is done. Mom is worried that we won't find a place that will be a good "home away from home" for dad during this recovery. It's quite possible he will never get to come back to their home permanently, but he will very likely get to live in the assisted living facility that's literally right across the street.

Mom told me today that it's awful getting old. Body parts don't work like they should. It takes twice as long (or longer) to do things as it did in younger years. The memory goes. The eyes go. Hearing goes. Reaction time and reflexes slow to a crawl. I've seen it, so I know it's true.

I've decided there are a few things in life that are definitely worth putting up high on the list of priorities, if they aren't there already. In no certain order they are:
*** Live life today. Don't wait till you (insert some silly goal or chore) before you do the things you really want to do.
***Respect your elders and listen to them with an open mind and heart. Remember that they truly do know more than you do ... They've lived longer and seen more, but make a mental (or recorded) note of what they teach you because they may not remember all those important things as they age.
***Tell the people you love that you love them. Don't wait - You might not get another chance.
***Compliment more and criticize less.
***Be kind, smile more, and realize the people you meet might actually be having a worse day/week/life than you.

Basically ... Live each day as if it's your last day on earth and leave a positive footprint wherever you go. And, yes ... I am going to do my best to follow these words of advice!

Thank you all for all you do for me, my dad and our family. You do make a difference!